I hope you all are having a great day. No one is online at the moment so I thought that I'd take this time to say hi since there weren't any distractions. Tonight...well I had to work all day today and on most days where I would cringe at the fact of working a whole day I was glad. I know I know...work is not fun, but I really needed to be occupied with something today.
Well my brother has been at WSU for about a month now and a couple of nights ago he got food poisoning. We thought it might have been some 24 flu thing but he went to the clinic and found that there were many other people with the same condition and basically puking up a storm. So two of Jeff's frat brothers took him to the doctor and found of that Pita Pit was the culprit. He had to be hooked up for IV because he was so dehydrated but he's feeling a little better now and still is pretty weak. But it'll be good to see him next week.
So yesterday I had told Jon that I'd head down and hang out with him in Tacoma because he wanted to take me out for my 21st birthday which I found was cute and sweet of him to do. Unfortunately things really didn't go exactly how I wanted them, actually at the end of the night all I wanted to do was go home. I was pissed beyond belief. I went down there and got there at about noon and the whole way I was apprehensive from the get-go because being that we are broken up, I really didn't want him to go all out for my birthday. So we hung out for a bit talking to his family which it was nice to see them, then I went upstairs to show him a website my friend Josh started: www.cafepress.com/lippo, if you are interested in looking ;). So then after that I was tired...well I was pretty tired before that from my brother calling at 2 am the previous morning to let us know he was throwing up. So I was laying at one end (the foot of the bed) while Jon sat and the laid down the other direction. So then he asked if I wanted to cuddle and I said no. Then after a while I became unconfortable and moved and he started rubbing my back which was nice of him. Then after he asked if I wanted to cuddle again, and I said sure. Then he kissed me. With that, I was pretty angry, well more like pissed because all along I had said to not only him but everyone that I don't want to be in a relationship nor do I want to partake in anything that could be considered relationship-like, kissing included. So the fact that wasn't respected ticked me off. So then being nice and what not I forgave him (slightly) for doing that, and we still hadn't gone out to dinner yet, which was the plan all along. So we went to dinner and the food was good. We sat in the bar, and yes I admit that I was still bitter about the previous event. And so I had the mind set that I wasn't going to drink all that much because I was driving home (I hadn't committed to either staying the night there or going home) but the kiss situation basically sealed that deal for me.
So yeah I was done. I felt as if the respect I once had from him, was no obsolete. So who knows what will happen with us. I really have no ambition to talk to him right now because of the whole issue and when I'm ready to talk to him I'll have the say on when that happens. I just am loosing faith more and more in people, guys especially. They say they should be trusted and treated different than other boyfriends, but when they act just like them, how can I? They can say what they want, but I relaly don't care at this point. I'm not someone to take advantage of and you think you have it tough with me not wanting to be in a relationship, try not being a friend. Some people should look at Tony and I and see that things aren't exactly "going how he'd planned it."
Am I looking towards being in another bad mood like my depression I was in a while back? No. Why should I waste my energy on that. I'm having fun being me and if people have a difficult time being a part of it, then leave and be friends with someone else. I don't know a more accepting person than myself honestly. I am open-minded towards everyone, I give second chances, I forgive and forget, but you know...Strike 1, shame on you...Strike 2, shame on me!
So it's back to the drawing board. I'm sure there is more stuff to deal with pertaining to Jon, Tony and other people. Life would be boring if it wasn't there. So I'm sure there will be more updates. And if this offends some people, tough luck...it's my journal and my expression.
I haven't talked to you all in quite a while. Well I'm here and it's good to see that some...ok very few of you are checking to see what this silly girl is up to. This is going to be one of those random entries, just to warn you.
So I'm 21 now, and I still feel 16. Well, back up...when I was 19 and 20, I felt that I was older and now with my happy outlook on life, I feel 16. I feel like being goofy and fun, so watch out. At 21, that could be a good or bad thing ;)
So the 21 party was fun. I went out with family to Red Robin and Claim Jumper and had drinks. I had a raspberry daquari at Red Robin and an otter pop at Claim Jumper, and I was drunk after that. Yes I know I was a light weight but maybe I'll get better. But it was cool. My aunt Debbie, uncle Marty, cousins Greta, Carly, and Caitlin, aunt Laurie, Suzie, grandparents, and my parents all came and it was pretty casual. I have the pictures posted at photos.yahoo.com/sweetshero19 so if you want to see them you can....the password is jae0883. It was a fun time and a good way to turn 21.
Then the 31st of August, I worked at Proclub subbing for Terry and working 3 hours with Seth and Wes. Those guys crack me up. It is always great to catch up with Seth especially. Him and I always hit it off and end up talking for hours. It's so weird in someways because he's kind of "alternative" in a way and a touch of "rock and roll" and I'm so goodie goodie and what not, that it is weird that him and I get along, but he is a blast to talk to. I guess he's going back to Shoreline and he told me that he got accepted to the UW for next fall so I was proud of him for that. And Wes, it was great seeing him and talking to him. He's been doing well and still has his gf Lisa who I don't particularly care for, but oh well ;). Saw Bryan, but for the longest time, him and I haven't really hit it off lately...dunno what happened???
Then yesterday we had the big Kingsgate pizza party at Pizza Bank. It was cool to see the lifeguards "dress up" from their normal attire of bathing suits and shorts. And just talking about something besides pool talk was great also. So that was fun.
So we got a pool table today, actually it is a hand-me-down from my grandpa, so that means that we have been rearranging all the furniture in the bonus room. So today I've been cleaning that. Oh the joys of being in college and living at home. Actually its not all that bad, I don't mind cleaning much.
24 days til school starts....
Talk to you later!!
Another quiz...
Brownie- Your like a brownie you melt on people and
people stick to you your kind and affectionate.
Your a good listener whether you know it or not
and people look up to you no matter how they
act everybody has a place for you in their
heart.
You know, you think Grandpa would've figured out by now that hiking his shorts up to the point where it cuts off circulation just isn't cool. Maybe he didn't get the memo. Anyway, glad the camping trip went well. Sounds like it was a blast. Anywho, initiation week for the pledge class before us was a great time. The ceremonies were nice and formal. The head basketball coach gave the charge (the motivational speech, if you will) and that was pretty inspirational. After that, there was a big party at a live-out's house. A live-out is a part of a fraternity, but lives in an apartment. Basically, he gives the frat a place to party. Yes, we are a frat and we find loopholes to that whole "dry fraternity" thing. As for me drinking, I watch myself VERY carefully. I'll be honest, I hate the taste of beer. I'll give you an idea of how much I hate it. I split a 24-pack of tall boy Busch with my pledge bros Joey and Wes. I got 8 (cuz 24 divided by 3 is 8 and there's no remainder so....wa la). To the point, I drank two, each on separate nights. My roommate, (remember, football player, REALLY HUGE) drank the other six. That took him two nights I believe. He said he'd repay me. I don't think he needs to nor do I wwant him to cuz Busch tastes like oh.... 10 types of ass. So, I don't really like to think that I can honestly say "I drink." To end this up with a comforting line, I've gone to the Rec Center more times than I've drank. Tell dad that cuz I really would prefer him not to flip.
Yes! Excellent idea with the ipod. If I were more of a computer whiz, then I'd go for one too. That should be awesome. Then you don't have to go out and buy a CD for one song. Kinda like the "Breaking the Habit" song by Linkin Park. I'm sure the rest of the CD would suck so it just makes it that more simple.
I hope you had an awesome b-day. I was going to call you up or I was at least hoping that you wouldn't get my email until your b-day. As usual, you found a way to sniff out that whole thing. I've got your present right here next to me. I really don't want to ship it to you cuz I'm not exactly sure if I can trust the Pullman UPS with this one. I plan on being home September 11th for the Cougar game, so I'll give it to you then. I'm also hoping that Berard will take me there to begin with. I also told mom and dad that there was a possibility that I could come home this weekend, but as the week rolls by, that's looking less likely. I didn't want to get them pumped, but I thought that I'd get a ride home. Berard is usually my ride, and he isn't coming home this weekend. So, I'm pretty sure I'm coming home the 11th for the night.
Well, I just saw that Aunt Debbie hit me with an email, so I figure I better hit her back. I'll talk to ya later. Take care.
Happy 21st to me :). Anyways I might update later.....
Here is a quiz result for you to soak in while I'm out for my b-day ;)
Your: Happy eyes! Your cheerfull, bright and always
want to try something new. Your inquisitive and
quite lovable. You have many friends and will
succseed in life.
Hey! Happy 21st! What a big day! I hope it's been fun so far. I just wanted to take this email to wish you a happy day first of all. It's gotta be fun being legal and all. Just make sure you take care of yourself now that you are of age. I know you're intelligent about that stuff in general but I have to be protective and all that cuz I'm your brother and that's what I do. I know dad does the same damn thing but that's who I am. Secondly, who you've become in your 21 years makes me so proud to be your brother. I've always looked up to you as a role model and you've never fallen short. So often you've created a path and I end up following it because I know that you've got a great head on your shoulders. Not having you here in Pullman is something that has been hard for me to get used to. You know that whole thing about you not knowing what you're missing until it's taken away from you. That couldn't be more true for me. It's hurts me to think that I'm 300 miles away on a day that I'd like to be there for. I don't know how many times I've told mom and dad that. Plenty. That's all I know. I just want to say thanks for everything you've done for me and for being a great sister in general. I'm a lucky guy. My good friend Lizzie McGuire summed it up well when she once said "You rock. Don't ever change." (C'mon. I had to throw in something from Lizzie. She's just way too cool for school.) So, take care of yourself. I love you with all my heart and happy birthday!
I was thinking...yes I know that I think alot, but I was doing it ;). The last thing I want to see in life is people unhappy especially since I have reached a point on my own where I'm happy. I want those around me to be happy as well. And I feel for Jon right now. I can see things aren't going his way, and he's letting the bad things eat him alive and win the battle. For the past couple nights he has talked about the many things that bother him and what not, and I have a tough time listening to it. I was in his shoes at one time and I know that it isn't fun. He's got family issues, he's got personal issues, as well as friends issues. He's also just like me. He strives to help others and people person which is important, but I truly think he's at a time in his life where he needs to figure out what he wants in his life.
For me being his ex-girlfriend, it's hard for me to completely say what he needs because I know that all I will say he won't agree with :). I think he feels that nothing in his life is going well for him. I agree with him (to a degree). I know deep down he knows that he is a great person but he doesn't live it or believe it. That's been my greatest lesson recently, I believe in myself despite what others feel about me. Jon has to know that he's a great person, but instead he says there are many other great people that surpass him. Jon should know he is a fantastic artist concerning his industrial design drawing (better than me, hehe), but he sees it as that there are other better drawers than him. He is/was a wonderful boyfriend, but he sees our breakup in some ways being that I don't want to be with him or that I don't think he did enough to make me happy. He's a great brother, a great friend, a great boyfriend, and above else....a great person. He's a great student, he works hard, he empathizes with others, he cares, he is funny, but he always sees himself as being beaten out by someone else. That's going to happen, but you have to have pride in yourself. Do you feel that you are being your best??? That's the difference between him and I. I know I am my best, and he feels like he isn't the best because he is beaten out. I am not good at telling you this everyday, so I took it upon myself to put it in my journal and it will never be erased. Embrace the fact that its ok to be where you are right now. We are in college, we are supposed to be confused, lost, frustrated, lonely, and trying to find our path through life :). I don't like it either. And you can't expect that one person or thing is going to give you complete happiness. You are you...no one can change that. Trust me, God only makes people on this Earth (who are good people) last the longest on Earth, if you give in now....you are letting the demons beat you at 21, and you haven't even reached your mid-life crisis. Hehe! But seriously, I love you...you have never given up on me, you have never criticized who I am or told me to be someone else. You have told me I'm beautiful. Now it's your turn to believe that you are a beautiful person, a funny person, and overall the best person you can be. Some people won't like you, but who cares. Is it better to be you and have pride, or just have everyone in the world like you.....
I think I'm the most awesome person in this world. On the grand scope, am I? Hell no! Some people hate my guts and I hate them....so I deal with it, and that makes me smile! Everyone wants to live in a world where they are verbally reassured that they are special, the truth is that the world doesn't operate that way. I know that even the most "awesome" girl doesn't do her job. It isn't right I know, but I will put it in text right here...."You are one of a kind, you were a awesome boyfriend, a funny guy, someone with a wonderful personality, and you were a super-duper boyfriend ;)" and so many other things. I know that out of everyone in your life, I appreciate you the most and always will ;). You are the person I can be goofy with and talk to when I'm good and ready :). Just because you are my best friend and not my boyfriend doesn't mean that the fun between us can't end. I think we will actually start having more fun now. Yes we aren't kissing or holding hands, but I love spending time with you. I like going out to dinner and not having to hold back from doing anything around you. I want to go places with you and share memories with you despite us not being a couple. I want to laugh with you. I want you to hang out with my family. I want you to be that person I either marry or will attend my wedding as my best friend. I want you there father or not, when I have kids, I want to be in my life forever, and I think that means alot. It's always going to be "Jen and Jon" no matter the titles. This is the perfect makeup to replace me never having that childhood best friend to grow up with, I'm starting at 20 instead ;).
I'm here for you even though I'm not as active and persistent as you are with me. We have slightly different personalities in that department ;). My lack of having time to hang out with you is not because of you. I'm busy. But right now I'd love to have you as my best friend and in a sense a brother to me. I want someone to look after me and make sure I don't get in trouble. I want someone to hug me and tell me I did a good job. I honestly wish I had a big brother to be my protector, but whether we were dating or now, I have always said, "Jon is my big brother." And now that I have a brother 6 hours away, I need one more than ever. We are each other's cheerleaders. All I want is you to be allow me to be proud of who you are and have you believe it. Some would take this message (after the breakup) as being a negative, but I hope you are willing to see it on the flip side. I don't want to be that ex-girlfriend, that just is like "I'm done...next boyfriend." I want to be close. If I get another boyfriend down the line, they are going to probably run through the "Jon Approval Zone." I just want no limits with us. We have created a great friendship thus far, and I want it to continue. I just hope you are okay with that.
There is a reason why these people have so much fun together.......
Thank you very much for depositing that check in the bank for me. It's nice to know you have some money going INTO the bank rather than out. Yeah, and Neil should be sending me another check for around the same amount. I'll keep in touch with you and the family on that. I didn't work that last week for charity. Those kids were total buttmunches.
Anywho, sounds like it's going alright over there besides that lack of things going on. I kinda wish I were going on that camping trip too. That's one of the things I knew I would miss when I left. Something about 75 mph winds that I like. I honestly wish I could be there and chill with the family. I miss you all very much. There really hasn't been a day that has gone by where I didn't look at the picture of you all on my shelf. Personally, I'm wondering if there's a time where I could just come home for the weekend. Between you and me, Jen, I'm wondering if mom and dad are going to be able to last until Thanksgiving. They've been wondering when they could come over and when I have a free weekend. So, with this in mind, I'm looking for a weekend in early October. I might come by September 11th when the Cougs play Colorado. I just gotta figure everything out right now as far as what the fraternity is doing concerning the game and all that stuff. I'll figure it out soon.
As for me right now, I'm busy, but good. I've got five classes, most of which are interesting. I think the real challenge is going to be keeping up with the work and mostly understanding the lectures and what to take out of them. If I can manage to take good enough notes during the lectures, that should take me a ways. The frat is also keeping me busy and I'm taking a lot out of that as well. I'm learning how to live on my own for the first time. It's pretty exciting. It's kinda cool when you are just sitting in your room and people walk in and say hey and sit on the furniture. Overall, I just learn a lot about life over here at Wazzu. That ranges from washing dishes to laundry to the social aspect. Unfortunately, the social aspect can get out of hand sometimes. Not exactly in the house, but I sit out on the porch and greet the passersby that sometimes are so drunk that they're stumbling all over the place. Mainly it's the freshmen sorority girls that don't know their limit. Two senior girls will be trying to haul her drunk ass home when they pass by our house. Sadly, it can be a common site.
Other than that, the rec center has been a good friend of mine and my fellow pledges as well. I worked out twice in a week. I guess that's a good start. I don't mind being skinny, but it wouldn't be bad to bulk up a tiny bit. The pledge class is having fun bonding through those types of activities.
Ok, I better jet. Take care of yourself, Jen. Tell mom and dad the same since I wasn't able to talk to them tonight. Love ya!
Jeff
So sounds like things are going well with him. He's enjoying it but I can see that he's missing being home with the family. We are going camping today and I know it bugs him that he can't go. It's kinda sad, but with kids going to college, its one of those things you deal with as a parent and sibling. It would be different if he were closer, but the reality is he isn't. He's having fun, but I think a part of him wishes he was closer. Jeff and I are both family-oriented and homebodies, so I feel what he's going through. Hopefully Sept. 11th he can come home.
It really isn't a secret, but it is exciting to me. First off I know that I haven't updated in quite sometime and so I apologize. I don't really know why I'm apologizing since no one really ever reads this journal. But the thing is that I enjoy writing despite the "overwheling" audience I have. It is something that I can come to and see what happened in the past and share was is going on in the present, and hey...sometimes I have good stories to tell.
Well before I tell the secret (haha waiting til the end) I have some things to share that I haven't written about in the past few days. Well one night while during a pool party when I was lifeguarding with Chris I saw a rat on the pool deck. No joke, it was pretty gross and I was about to cry. Oppossums and rats are incredibly disgusting to me so that scared the shit out of me. So since then, Chris has been teasing me about it.
I worked today...yeah only had to guard 2 people out of my whole 11:30-4:00 shift. And they were both lap swimmers. So then Krystal and I just cleaned the entire pool area; hosing off the pool deck, cleaning bathrooms, cleaning the storage shed, cleaning the baby pool, among other things...
And I'm still addicted to the song that I posted a few days ago, "Open Skies" by the David Crowder Band. Yes, it has been on repeat on my computer for the past few nights. It's a good uplifting song. And yes Jon, it will continue to play so you can't dawg on me for listening anymore ;). Just gonna have to accept it I guess :).
So should I tell my secret....
Not yet. So it's been good to see that my brother and some friends that went off to school earlier than I did having a great time at school. I really wish I was in school now, but I don't start until Sept. 27. I emailed my brother to see how he was doing and tell him that I cashed his check into his bank account, so he better love his sister now. I am having really as much of a "time of my life" moment right now being home with my parents. I have realized that it's kind of nice having that alone time with your parents every once in a while. Not that I don't want my brother around for my birthday, but it's been nice getting attention from them concerning that and other things. Overall I am happy with my life. I have erased everything that I don't want in my life right now and kept things that I want, and for that I am happy. I can smile, which is the greatest thing. Lately I have tried to force myself to be happy, see if church would help, and yell at people when I wasn't happy and found that things like that don't help. Church with Erin is a great thing and if I ever get time to do that again, I want to go. I also want to see if I can joiin a church group when I go to school. But the greatest lesson I have learned recently is that I am in control of destiny. I have the power to turn my frowns upside-down and when I'm upset, I have the control to get rid of them. Also with people, it is the same thing. If there is bad energy, I can get rid of it. I am the remote control of my life and for that I am happy :).
The other thing is that I have discovered that I love myself. I think I'm cute. I like my personality. I think I'm hot. I think I'm fun. I think I'm smart. I think I'm awesome. But I'm not arrogant. I know when to be humble and say, "Hey, I'm a dork and that's ok." Part of this was from a conversation I had, part from looking back on the past, and even looking in the mirror. I had a conversation with Jon a couple nights ago, and although we are friends, he was honest with me. I know the guy is going to say I'm hot and a knock out no matter what, but this time when he said it (although I giggled in embarrassment) I said to myself, "You're damn right I am." I know I'm not the best looking girl, but I'm happy being the hoodie wearer, the jeans girl, the girl that could give a rip if she was the next Abercrombie girl. For the first time ever, I am happy with my mind, my body, my appearance, my successes, my happiness. For years, people said I was shit and looked it too, but I know that someone, whether it be God or someone else (up there hehe), took lots of time to make me...well me. I looked in the mirror this morning and saw something I haven't seen in a while. A smile. Plain and simple, I love myself. I know where I'm going in life and I know that I want to reach for the stars at all the possibilities I have. No one can tell me otherwise. I even had a mom at the pool say to me yesterday, "You are one of the most liked guards around...I want you to be here until I see your beautiful children you have one day." That is so sweet!
Ok so it's secret time... I'll show rather than tell my secret....
Yes I got one! $400 later I have an Ipod that is on it's way to my house. I'm so excited. Katie at work talked me into it and so I'm going to replace all my cds for this. I'm pumped, it should be coming in the next few days. I'll tell ya when I get it.
Anyways I think that is all the updating. I heard today that my brother is coming home the weekend of Sept. 10th for the Colorado/WSU game and so it'll be good to see him. I'll be camping this weekend for the last time this year. So I won't update for a few days. And when we get back, I'm going to plan on going on a tour of WWU with the 'rents and then the weekend of the 10th we are helping one of my mom's co-workers move. And to top that off, my grandpa is moving into his house the following weekend. And I get to figure out how I am going to accomplish the following things through all this stuff:
* Reupholster my chair I got @ Grandpa's Garage sale
* Go dorm shopping
* Do the birthday thang ;)
* Try to get WSI certified (teach swim lessons certification)
* Get school supplies
* Order textbooks from Amazon for school
* Try to make a trip to Tacoma before Jon goes to school
I'm sure there is more, can't remember ;)
Talk to you soon, sorry so long, but I had lots to say :)
You're Element is Water. You are soft and serene at
most times but like Wind, you're scary when
you're mad. You proabaly have a talent is
singing and even your speaking voice is lovely.
You have an innocent type of beauty that makes
you look younger than you are and you like
close relationships with people.
Name: Jennifer Age: 20 Location:Washington State School: Bellevue Community College Single/Taken: Not Looking Occupation: Professional Pool Girl (Lifeguard)
The Loving Cast Members Jon: My best friend Sarah: Friend I've known for 14+ years Kristie: Friend I've known for 15+ years Tony: My ex-boyfriend KJ: Close guy friend Aaron-Ex-boyfriend and good friend Carly: Cousin Erin: Cousin Jordan: Good friend from school
Interests: Sleeping Hanging out with friends Walking the beach Driving Writing Thinking Going out to dinner Playing soccer Boating Seadooing Waterskiing Wakeboarding Watching sports on TV Being around kids Spending time with the family Camping Tanning in the sun Going to movies Renting movies Shopping
Things I like: Ducks, Strawberry Lemonade, Hooded sweatshirts, flip-flops, going swim suit and underwear shopping, Pasta, Cheesecake, Camping, Mariners, cuddling, going for walks, The color blue, Smiling...
QUOTE: "The stars shine brightest only in your eyes."
This teardrop symbolizes all the tears that have been shed by those children who have been abused physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually, and spiritually. Please keep those children in your hearts!
Although it may be the summer fashion icon of 2004, Lance Armstrong's wristband serves as an icon for overcoming cancer. They are only a dollar and for a great cause, stay cancer free!
Quote of the Day: Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... (Napoleon Dynamite)
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're the kind of chick that can hang out with your boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't care about presents or about going to fancy placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy being around your boyfriend.
It's birthday time!
This teardrop symbolizes all the tears that have been shed by those children who have been abused physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually, and spiritually. Please keep those children in your hearts!
Although it may be the summer fashion icon of 2004, Lance Armstrong's wristband serves as an icon for overcoming cancer. They are only a dollar and for a great cause, stay cancer free!
Quote of the Day: Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... (Napoleon Dynamite)
